One of the ineffective parenting roles James Lehman talks about in the Total Transformation is the over-negotiator. Here’s how that manifests itself in our house.
It is hard to set reasonable rules for our family. And even harder when I try to enforce them that I meet the “master negotiator”. You know what I am talking about, the kid who likes to put his toe over the line. Wants to just see where you will budge. It is the hardest to not give in too.
I like to not always be a “no” mom, so I want to try to find places where I can say yes. But I have found this is not normally a good area to do this. Why? Because this tells the child that your rules are not firm. And I know when I have caved because I get this helpless, I am not in control feeling.
Now I am not talking about general things, like “can I put my socks in the dirty clothes after I save off this video game?”, but more about, “can I stay out 15 extra minutes tonight?”. Which will turn into 20 tomorrow and on and on. So I have to pick which rules I will not negotiate and stick to them.
Then I look for other areas that give me the “yes” mom happiness that I want. It turns into a win-win situation because the child knows your no means no and that creates security for him.
For many more tips and techniques on how to not be a negotiator, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
About the author: By Julie HellstromJulie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.
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