Parents need to set limits with their kids of all ages. When they’re young, that’s not so tough. It’s easy to keep a toddler from touching the stove, or running out in the street. As they get older, especially into their teen years, it becomes harder and harder. Not only do the limits need to adjust over time, but they are also harder to enforce. This causes some parents to stop setting limits, or at least have trouble deciding how to do this. This is not a good thing!
Teenagers need limits just as much if not more than little kids. At that time of their life, they’re very confused and insecure about themselves, and they need to feel loved. Firm limits and boundaries show a struggling teen love. In addition, the choices they make as teenagers can have much farther reaching effects on them, some that may stick with them for the rest of their life.
Here are 3 ideas for setting limits for older kids and teens.
1. Plan ahead. Sometimes, when you run into child behavior problems with your teens, it’s hard to think on the fly. That’s why it’s good to have a predetermined framework of limits and consequences in place that you can fall back on in an emergency.
2. Work on your demeanor. This may not sound important, but the way you look and come across to your teenager is especially important when you’re dishing out advice or consequences. You don’t want your face to look to scary or mean. Practice in the mirror, and make sure your face looks kind and calm. I’ve noticed that with my kids that if I have a calm and kind demeanor, it really helps them to listen to me. If my tone is demeaning or harsh, it shuts them right down! Remember, kids are people too, and their feelings get hurt just like anyone else.
3. Talk with and listen to your teenager. Sometimes limits need to change, and it’s good to sit down with a difficult child if he looks like he’s going to test a limit – or if he already has. You might discuss his curfew with him, and make him a deal. If he thinks that it’s too early, you could say “OK, how about if you come home on time for a month, than we can look at changing it to a little later”. If he says “It’s no fair – my friends get to stay out until midnight, and I have to be home at 10″, you might say “I think 10 is safe. If you think you can stay safe until 10:30, let’s try that”. If they still want to stay out later, you could say “Let’s try 10:30 for a couple of weeks, and see how you do. Then we’ll talk about switching it to later”.
Limit setting is one of the most important things you can do for a child – don’t give up when you’re on the homestretch!
Do you have trouble setting limits for your teens?
For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Child Behavior Plan, Defiant Kids, Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills, Problem Solving 
What exactly do you learn from Total Transformation? In other words, how does the program work?
If you think that you’ll change your kid’s behaviors without changing your own behavior, then whatever you do, don’t buy Total Transformation. As we go through the DVD’s and CD’s, it becomes abundantly clear that James Lehman is out to teach us as parents to change how we deal with our children, which in turn will make the child change.
Mr. Lehman states over and over that the main reason that kids are disobedient, out-of-control, and abusive is they don’t have problem solving skills, and acting out is the way they get through life, instead of learning to problem solve. Mr. Lehman shows us many different skills we can start using as parents in order to help our kids learn, but you’ve got to want to work at it! Nothing happens overnight!
There are many different permissive styles that parents have in raising their children, and most of them are ineffective. Some of these include the martyr, the screamer, bottomless pockets, over-negotiator, and the perfectionist. These are the roles that we as parents need to change if we’re going to help our kid to problem solve, and get our house back to normal. Mr. Lehman goes over each of these roles and cures for them in the Total Transformation, and I’m going to touch on most if not all of them in my reviews of the program.
Here’s the truth – you probably need to change your behavior. You can’t expect to fix your child if you’re not willing to learn and grow yourself. If that sounds like something you won’t mind doing, then Total Transformation might be for you.
Next up – The Total Transformation Workbook.
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
What Is The Total Transformation?
The Total Transformation is a parenting program designed for parents of difficult children – defiant, out-of-control, abusive, etc. It is for parents of kids with all kinds of behavioral problems ranging from ADD and ADHD to ODD, Autism, and bipolar disorder. The main jist of the Total Transformation is that defiant, out-of-control children are that way because they don’t know how to problem solve: when they act out, they get their way and they don’t have to face their problems. As parents, our job is to train the up, and give them the skills they need to solve their own problems. That’s what Total Transformation does.
Who Created The Total Transformation?
The creator of the Total Transformation is James Lehman, a therapist with a Masters Degree in Social Work. For three decades James Lehman has worked with troubled teens, younger children with behavior problems, families and professionals who live with, educate, treat and assist in managing them. In public schools, residential treatment centers, private schools, and numerous outpatient and inpatient settings, James has developed an approach to managing children and adolescents which challenges them to learn to solve social problems without hiding behind a facade of disrespectful, obnoxious, or abusive behavior.
Next post – How much does Total Transformation cost, and what’s included?
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
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