Too often people are afraid to use the words children discipline because it brings up visions of harsh punishment. The word discipline means to disciple, teach , and guide. The word punishment means to hurt. In keeping these definitions straight in our parent minds, we can discern when we are handling children behavior issues, the correct method to use.
There is no need to put on the guilt that has been unfairly attached to discipline and I will tell you why. Children mostly desire to know if they are loved and safe. And discipline takes care of both of those questions. First, guiding them away from incorrect behavior and towards correct behavior. This can and must be done in an almost matter-of-fact way. This approach is not unloving, but loving in that anger becomes a non-issue.
Secondly, with consistent discipline guidelines in place, the child knows there are limits and this makes them feel safe. Explaining the house rules ahead of time and sticking to them is good parenting. Look at it this way, the speeding ticket does not change just because the offender stomps his feet or slams the door. (They will test the limits, you can count on it!). You are teaching them that rules or laws apply to them no matter if they like them or not. Sticking to reasonable discipline is the way all people learn.
It is important for children to understand and see through your behavior that children discipline is a source of parental care and concern. Ultimately, you are doing your job well raising these kids up to be successful, productive adults.
Do you want to learn more on specific children discipline methods that can work for you?
Check out The Total Transformation to give you many great tips. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
Parents of problem children are often perceived as being the problem—or that they’ve created their “problem children”. This is not normally the case. These parents need training, not blame.
Are family members, maybe your kid’s teachers, and even counselors blaming you for your problem child’s acting out behavior? This leaves parents feeling trapped, isolated, and ashamed of their child’s defiant or out of control behavior. And with seemingly no place to turn, they become defensive and that keeps the ineffective cycle going.
However, I believe that most parents are doing a good enough job and just need training to become effective parents. This is evident especially if all the rest of your children are doing fine and you just have one defiant child. Blaming doesn’t solve the problem, it only adds to it as now the parents have to overcome their shame for not measuring up to the standards that are being placed on them by people on the outside looking in. I have tried hard in my years as a parent to not judge my insides by other peoples’ outsides. Every family is different.
The answer is to get training on how to handle your child. Get the skills you need. Keep asking, searching until you find a counselor, a program, a book, another parent who can give you the skills you need to be a better parent. Don’t get discouraged and steer clear of the blame/shame game. Find the one that works best for you and your family. Being proactive and persistent are great parenting skills. You are the solution. You love your children and you want a good relationship with them and a good future for them.
If we do these things now, maybe your child can avoid getting into further trouble. What choice do you have, really? As James Lehman says “If he continues the way he’s going, you’re going to be the ones visiting him in prison, lending him money because he won’t get a job, or raising his kids because he’s either too irresponsible or addicted to raise them himself.” It seems like a no brainer. Start today learning the skills you need to parent your problem children and reap the benefits tomorrow.
For many more tips and techniques to deal with problem children, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
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