Too often people are afraid to use the words children discipline because it brings up visions of harsh punishment. The word discipline means to disciple, teach , and guide. The word punishment means to hurt. In keeping these definitions straight in our parent minds, we can discern when we are handling children behavior issues, the correct method to use.
There is no need to put on the guilt that has been unfairly attached to discipline and I will tell you why. Children mostly desire to know if they are loved and safe. And discipline takes care of both of those questions. First, guiding them away from incorrect behavior and towards correct behavior. This can and must be done in an almost matter-of-fact way. This approach is not unloving, but loving in that anger becomes a non-issue.
Secondly, with consistent discipline guidelines in place, the child knows there are limits and this makes them feel safe. Explaining the house rules ahead of time and sticking to them is good parenting. Look at it this way, the speeding ticket does not change just because the offender stomps his feet or slams the door. (They will test the limits, you can count on it!). You are teaching them that rules or laws apply to them no matter if they like them or not. Sticking to reasonable discipline is the way all people learn.
It is important for children to understand and see through your behavior that children discipline is a source of parental care and concern. Ultimately, you are doing your job well raising these kids up to be successful, productive adults.
Do you want to learn more on specific children discipline methods that can work for you?
Check out The Total Transformation to give you many great tips. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
Parents of problem children are often perceived as being the problem—or that they’ve created their “problem children”. This is not normally the case. These parents need training, not blame.
Are family members, maybe your kid’s teachers, and even counselors blaming you for your problem child’s acting out behavior? This leaves parents feeling trapped, isolated, and ashamed of their child’s defiant or out of control behavior. And with seemingly no place to turn, they become defensive and that keeps the ineffective cycle going.
However, I believe that most parents are doing a good enough job and just need training to become effective parents. This is evident especially if all the rest of your children are doing fine and you just have one defiant child. Blaming doesn’t solve the problem, it only adds to it as now the parents have to overcome their shame for not measuring up to the standards that are being placed on them by people on the outside looking in. I have tried hard in my years as a parent to not judge my insides by other peoples’ outsides. Every family is different.
The answer is to get training on how to handle your child. Get the skills you need. Keep asking, searching until you find a counselor, a program, a book, another parent who can give you the skills you need to be a better parent. Don’t get discouraged and steer clear of the blame/shame game. Find the one that works best for you and your family. Being proactive and persistent are great parenting skills. You are the solution. You love your children and you want a good relationship with them and a good future for them.
If we do these things now, maybe your child can avoid getting into further trouble. What choice do you have, really? As James Lehman says “If he continues the way he’s going, you’re going to be the ones visiting him in prison, lending him money because he won’t get a job, or raising his kids because he’s either too irresponsible or addicted to raise them himself.” It seems like a no brainer. Start today learning the skills you need to parent your problem children and reap the benefits tomorrow.
For many more tips and techniques to deal with problem children, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
How much does Total Transformation cost?
Total Transformation is fairly inexpensive when you compare the price to individual or family counseling (not to say that counseling isn’t an excellent route to go – we’ve been to counseling on and off over the years, and we sincerely believe that without it, we wouldn’t be where we are as a family). However, many people just don’t want to go to counseling, or they might not be able to afford it.
For this reason, you might really like Total Transformation. You can do it at home on your own time frame, and you only pay a small up-front fee for shipping and handling. Best of all, for a limited time, you can get it for free. Just order and complete and return the enclosed Feedback Survey. For complete details about the program and the price, you can click here.
What’s included in the package?
The Total Transformation program includes the following:
-
Jump Start DVD
-
Parents Workshop Question and Answer DVD with
-
7 audio CD lessons
-
A 118 page Workbook
-
800 support access
-
A Free Bonus CD – How to Turn Around Your Child’s Attitude in One Minute or Less, FREE just for trying the program.
All of this is included in a nice portfolio, which would look just fine sitting on a book shelf in your house. It’s very professionally done.
Positive parenting skills – not something you’re just born with! They need to be learned and developed over time. Unfortunately, as far as kids are concerned, the landscape is constantly changing. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, they morph into some other hideous creature that you don’t recognize and you’ve got to learn how to subdue! (Just kidding about the hideous creature – who would ever say that about their kid?)
You can get positive parenting skills in many places: Books, friends, classes, online courses, and many more places. In fact, just surfing the web can give you lots of ideas. Some of our favorite parenting books are Parenting Teens with Love and Logic
A good website with lots of great parenting articles is minti.com. This one is full of articles written by experts – parents themselves! Anyone can contribute. Here’s an article called Rules, Boundaries, and Older Children from another great website with tons of good parenting advice.
The best product we’ve found so far that gives us positive parenting skills that are effective, long lasting and cover a huge range of parenting issues is The Total Transformation by James Lehman, MSW. The strategies he uses are simple to learn. They also deal with the heart behind the behavior which is where the long lasting piece comes in.
One of the tips that seems universal and had an immediate effect in our family was the Disconnect technique. The premise of this is to stop communication with your child if they become abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you’ll be amazed how fast things change. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior. It is like a pressure release valve for the parent too. Screaming matches be gone!
This tool is just one of many that he outlines in this CD and DVD set. If you have a household that could use some peace and sanity, you need to read more here. Feel free to browse around this website and take away anything you need. We parents need to stick together!
For many more tips and techniques on parenting tools, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
“Where are the behavior plans for these children?” Does this sound like you? Well look no further, there are behavior plans that will help you parent effectively. And they are simple to use.
James Lehman’s Total Transformation has several key concepts that teach your child responsibility and accountability. You will learn these concepts and also how to use them.
The Passwords
Behavior plans must have solid concepts that have been proven to work. Below are 4 of these that I found gave me results right away. Seeing these type of results gave me confidence in the program as a whole.
-
Single Issue focus. Children love to get us off track with an unrelated argument. This trick can easily get you frustrated and make you forget what you wanted to do in the first place. You must be in control of the conversation so you can keep the focus on the issue. You can validate the child’s ‘other’ concern by setting up a time later to discuss it. Don’t be hesitant to have notes if you tend to get easily distracted.
-
The Consequences. Be sure to tell your children what the consequences are when you are explaining the rules. These consequences are the best way to respond to bad behavior. They establish law and order. Remember, it is short term structure and values you are trying to maintain. Lasting change, however will not come from the consequences. It will come from the consequences causing them to yearn for their own change. Also base them on your child’s behavior, not what you think they are thinking.
-
Selective Attention. While a lot of parenting skills takes fortitude, this one gives you a break. Simply ignore negative behavior that is not important. Behaviors that are meant to get attention can be ignored as long as they are not abusive. Everyone in the family (or involved in caring for the child) must be in on this. The upside to this is that you will pay close attention to positive behavior. This is where your child will benefit the most and where you will start to see a new effort on their part to change.
-
Redirect Interest. This concept also utilizes another skill out of your parenting toolbox-creative thinking. When your child is stuck on negative thinking, change the topic. Switching the activity or conversation will stop the downward mood spiral. This concept can also work well when coupled with the above noted Selective Attention. This will also teach them how doing something positive and productive can change their mood.
These are just 4 of the important behavior management plan skills that can positively effect change in your kids without a lot of parenting effort.
For many more tips and techniques for behavior plans for your teens, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
Recent Comments