It’s difficult to say “no” to your kids and with out of control kids it is actually harder. It’s also challenging to follow through. It’s kind of a knee jerk reaction. So then you usually are backed into a corner. You have to stick with your “no” and that’s when the trouble takes place.
Let us go through this slowly. Initially, you have said no to your problem children. Next question, you guessed it, ‘why’? A quick explanation is all you will need. If you start overexplaining, you are handing the power over to them. That is what a defiant child wants – power. And it is a quick road to go down, because we believe it is best to get them to comprehend and then they will be okay with your answer.
But they don’t get okay with the answer. What takes place is you end up compromising. And then you begin changing the rules. And whenever you do this, you are training your kiddo to not take no for an answer. This is not very good for a struggling teen.
And if you play this out, he not only is getting educated to take no for an answer, you are rewarding him too. Yep, if he makes you switch the rules to what he wants, he gets what he wants! Thus the reward. Here are 5 helping steps to sticking to your no.
- Set up your authority early on. Start setting boundaries very early in life. This includes good structure too. Such as holding your 3 yr. old child’s hand when crossing the road. This is your foundation.
- Look for over-stimulation. If your kid is over-stimulated, he will seem to be like one of those out of control children. And, thus, they have a very hard time following directions. The best thing to do right here is provide them a 5-minute break. Then give them a opportunity to do what they were asked. If they are not able, offer them a few more minutes in the room to quiet down.
- Do not allow them turn you around. If you have fairly given your child a short explanation and he starts to fight, the absolute thing to do is say “No, I am not going to discuss this any more”. Then walk away. DO NOT TURN AROUND. If you do, you provide him the power to turn you around every time.
- Explain to your kid the new guidelines. The best time to explain the new “no” guidelines to your defiant child is when everything is calm. Tell them ‘no means no’. Help them come up with some coping techniques if no is a word that frustrates them.
- Remember these 3 Parenting Roles: Instructor, Trainer and Limit Setter. All three of these roles are vital. The first 2 lead up to being able to effortlessly do the 3rd. A side note, not one of these roles is buddy. We are, however, to be friendly and show positive feelings to them.
That is the basic rundown. Hopefully, you will get a jump start on your child discipline at an early age, so you do not have to encounter kid behavior problems. Bear in mind, if you let them get away with not taking no for answer as kids, they’ll do it as grown ups. This will lead to problems in human relationships.
For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
Filed under Child Behavior Plan, Defiant Kids, Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills 
Being a parent of 5 adopted children, I’m constantly struggling with child behavior problems, and how to deal with them. It just goes with the territory. But last week, it came to a head, and I came to a few realizations that I don’t think I had before. Here’s what happened:
My oldest son has a new “friend” that’s a girl (we don’t want them to be boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but it looks like they’re moving down that road pretty fast. More on our feelings about that in another post). Anyway, Sarah came over after school to watch a movie with Bobby. That’s it – pretty benign, right? Well, not as far as my kid’s are concerned!
You’d think the sky was falling, or we were going to Disneyland or something. They all just became out-of-control kids: loud, no manners, saying inappropriate things, and on and on. This type of child behavior problems went on all night – long after Sarah had gone home for the evening. It was crazy! I was totally embarrassed, enough so that I canceled a fun family weekend we had planned.
What I came to realize is that my kids need to have a pretty structured schedule. They feel very out-of-control when anything is out of the ordinary at all. I believe this goes back to the very first months of their lives, when they weren’t cared for in a healthy way. So we are trying to keep it orderly and under control – therefore avoiding this type of children behavior issues.
I just happened to be browsing the Empowering Parents website, and I found an article by James Lehman called Are You Embarrassed By Your Child’s Behavior? 5 Ways To Cope that helped me out concerning my embarrassment. It gave me a few tips, and I’ll share a little bit from the article.
- Don’t guess what people around you are thinking. Unless they say flat out “You’re a horrible parent”, you don’t really know what they’re thinking. They could be thinking “I remember when my kid did that”, or “I’m glad I’m not going through that phase with my son anymore”. Don’t be a mind reader.
- Focus on the behavior at hand: It’s not about you, it’s about the child. When your child misbehaves in public, they need something from you – focus on their needs, not your feelings.
- Use “avoid” and “escape” as short-term strategies. If you know the type of situations that cause your kids behavior problems, try to avoid those situations. Also, give you and your child an “escape” plan – a way to get out of the situation if things start to break down.
These are just a few strategies I learned from this article. To read the whole article, click here.
For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
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