You have heard it, right? The child attitude – you have just finished a well thought out, and even if you must say so, great parenting talk and bam the “whatever” is dropped. Or seemingly worse, they use the mother of all insults, “I hate you”. Now what do you do with this child attitude?
Don’t lose hope. If you get these responses, you have made your point. That’s right. They know they have lost the argument and as a last ditch effort, they look to push your button. This is their way of getting back at you in some way for standing for something your child doesn’t like. It is the teenage way of saving face.
What do you do then?
This is the easy answer. For the ‘whatever’ statement, do nothing. Just turn and walk away smiling. If you challenge it, you give up your position and enter into an argument. You will lose the ground you have gained. Turning around and walking away is the only solution for you to stay in control. Trust me to enter in, whether you discipline for the sass or ask what do they mean, you have given them the upper hand. Plus the argument will be a useless waste of time for you. Move on and they will be fine in a surprisingly short amount of time. Remember they secretly desire for you to be consistent. It makes them feel safe.
For the ‘I hate you’, which admittedly can be a hard one to hear and has been known to bring parents to tears, they hope this will upset you enough to give into what they want. An effective parenting response could be, “Maybe sometimes you do hate me. But I’m still not letting you go out tonight.” If you feel yourself becoming angry, instead of upset, take a few minutes to gather yourself before you respond. They are hoping to upset you and get you off balance. You don’t have to answer this smart remark either, just don’t say ‘sometimes I hate you too’. Then you both are playing in the same sandbox. That makes for ineffective parenting!
The best thing to do when you get child attitude is to remind yourself, obviously I have done my job and made my point. The objective is not to have the last word but to have the lasting word.
For many more tips and techniques to deal with child attitude, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Child Attitude, Child Behavior Plan, Parenting 
Parents need to set limits with their kids of all ages. When they’re young, that’s not so tough. It’s easy to keep a toddler from touching the stove, or running out in the street. As they get older, especially into their teen years, it becomes harder and harder. Not only do the limits need to adjust over time, but they are also harder to enforce. This causes some parents to stop setting limits, or at least have trouble deciding how to do this. This is not a good thing!
Teenagers need limits just as much if not more than little kids. At that time of their life, they’re very confused and insecure about themselves, and they need to feel loved. Firm limits and boundaries show a struggling teen love. In addition, the choices they make as teenagers can have much farther reaching effects on them, some that may stick with them for the rest of their life.
Here are 3 ideas for setting limits for older kids and teens.
1. Plan ahead. Sometimes, when you run into child behavior problems with your teens, it’s hard to think on the fly. That’s why it’s good to have a predetermined framework of limits and consequences in place that you can fall back on in an emergency.
2. Work on your demeanor. This may not sound important, but the way you look and come across to your teenager is especially important when you’re dishing out advice or consequences. You don’t want your face to look to scary or mean. Practice in the mirror, and make sure your face looks kind and calm. I’ve noticed that with my kids that if I have a calm and kind demeanor, it really helps them to listen to me. If my tone is demeaning or harsh, it shuts them right down! Remember, kids are people too, and their feelings get hurt just like anyone else.
3. Talk with and listen to your teenager. Sometimes limits need to change, and it’s good to sit down with a difficult child if he looks like he’s going to test a limit – or if he already has. You might discuss his curfew with him, and make him a deal. If he thinks that it’s too early, you could say “OK, how about if you come home on time for a month, than we can look at changing it to a little later”. If he says “It’s no fair – my friends get to stay out until midnight, and I have to be home at 10″, you might say “I think 10 is safe. If you think you can stay safe until 10:30, let’s try that”. If they still want to stay out later, you could say “Let’s try 10:30 for a couple of weeks, and see how you do. Then we’ll talk about switching it to later”.
Limit setting is one of the most important things you can do for a child – don’t give up when you’re on the homestretch!
Do you have trouble setting limits for your teens?
For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Child Behavior Plan, Defiant Kids, Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills, Problem Solving
Our primary job as a positive parent is to make sure our kids are able to function successfully on their own when they leave the house. Every decision we make should be made with that goal in mind. This knowledge and single-minded focus should help us to navigate the waters of parenting much easier, because we have a definite destination in mind.
So how do we accomplish this daunting task? By teaching our kids two skills – problem-solving and accountability. If you’ve got a disrespectful, belligerent child, you’ve probably got a child with a problem he doesn’t know how to solve. As a positive parent, we need to step them through the process of solving that problem, and being accountable for their actions.
- Problem solving journey. The best way to approach this important life skill is to start at the earliest age possible. If they make the mess, they clean it up. Teach them one block at a time. Then face the next problem with that same mindset, one step at a time. This in itself is teaching them problem solving at the core level, from stepping back to form a plan of action through to completion. Let them try, and fail if necessary. Do not rescue!
- Coach him forward. If you watch the last 2 minutes of a close NFL game you’ll notice the coach is usually all business and no emotion. This should be our goal as parents. We’re the trainers for the skills our children need to become successful, responsible adults. We need to be patient and calm as they go through the learning process.
- You are their 1st role model. Sorry it is true. They are constantly watching your every move, good or bad. And learning from it. Approaching problems with a calm examining demeanor will lead them to do so. Don’t fret if you get frazzled over the banged fender every now and again, telling your child you handled that poorly and how you would do it differently next time, teaches them how to positively handle mistakes. Also start handing over life situations. Let them pay for their Happy Meal. This will help them become comfortable with handling their own life.
- Be wise on when and what you teach them. Use your parent’s guage to determine what level of maturity they are at to determine what they can be successful at within a reasonable amount of time. Our goal is to teach them not defeat them. Let the bedspread be crooked and the crumbs be swept from the counter to the floor. Save perfecting these skills for the appropriate times down the road.
- Encourage exploration and experimentation. As they get to be a teen, you need to let them try out their own ideas for problem-solving and encourage and praise their resourcefulness.
- Keep setbacks and failures in perspective. This is life in a nutshell. Both experiences provide fertile ground for ongoing training. Look at these as opportunities that they are and you win. Calm and steady as you go and they win too.
While parenting, especially positive parenting, is a formidable task, do not lose heart. Especially with your teens. These previously mentioned skills will hopefully help you. These skills and many more are discussed in detail in The Total Transformation by James Lehman.
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Accountability, Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills, Problem Solving
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