One of the most important things you can do for a Reactive Attachment Disorder child is to build their self-image – in a healthy way. These kids feel bad about themselves, and when they act out a lot of the time that’s why. This is something I’ve learned, but today I got to put the learning to action.
Our family therapist says our youngest child is the “RAD poster child” and today he showed that to me. I picked him up from school for physical therapy (he has cerebral palsy, among other things) and his teacher came out with him. She had a big stack of papers, some of which were homework packets that he hadn’t completed. She said maybe he could work on them while we rode in the car. When we got in the car and I suggested that to him, he proceeded to crumple up the papers. That was just the start of 2 hours of belligerence and disobedience.
He refused to go to physical therapy, to which I said “Not a problem”, which is one of the top phrases in my vocabulary. Not a problem means not a problem for me, I can take it, I’m a strong and loving parent. So, we headed out to neurotherapy, which was next on the schedule. Same thing happened there – he refused to go in, so we went back out to the car. I asked him to talk about the big feelings he had, which he wasn’t really able to articulate today but nevertheless I figured it might have to do with the overwhelming stack of homework he was presented with. So I said go ahead and get in the back seat and get buckled which he did.
WOO HOO! He got buckled when I told him to! (I know, it doesn’t sound like a big deal but here’s where the pizzazzing comes in). I said “Great job of getting buckled! You’re getting much stronger for yourself! Give me five!” And I gave him a high five and he was a totally different kid. He got out of the stuck part of his brain. He’s in working on the homework now, being stronger and stronger, and it all came from one little pizzazz!
Sometimes you have to search really hard to find one little thing they do right, but when you do jump all over it! One time Nancy Thomas said “Good job not kicking the dog when you walked by him! Give me five!” Today for us it was 2 hours of misery before the bucking of the seatbelt, but I found that little thing and he’s much stronger for it now.
Do you have a RAD kiddo in your house? Are you tearing your hair out? Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of When Love Is Not Enough today. You won’t be sorry!
About the author: By Matt HellstromMatt is the parent (along with his wife Julie) to five wonderful kids. He has been self-employed for 25+ years and is the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.
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