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11:44 am
I am an older parent of a 5 year old Rad child. I had always been a part of his life since birth, but was not biologically related to him. I knew something was amiss with him once he went into the foster care system at age 2 years and 3 months. I was able to intervene and get custody 4 to 5 months later. He had numerous caregivers prior to being put into foster care; however, they were the same ones and they were fortunately good people including myself and my daughter-in-law and then once in foster care he was placed with three different foster parents and a step grandparent all in a 4 to 5 month time span. When "he come back to us" as I always call it, he was into biting me really badly when he was upset and up until he went into foster care he hadn't. He poor behaviors esculated quickly and my husband and I have basically become prisoners in our own home. Although his behavior is better now at age 5 and 9 months at home, his behavior as he left headstart and started Kindergarten esculated into poor, uncontrollable behaviors quickly. We feel he has bonded with us and I would like to ask if you think this is postive and if so how postive? Do you think our having gotten full custody by age 2 years and 9 months and our prior involvement has helped him to not be quite so advanced in RAD at home or can we expect it to change? I am looking for answers desperately and hope to have found some from individuals who have experienced first hand a RAD child at age 5. 
7:14 pm
May 6, 2011
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Mimmi – I think that his acting out going to Kindergarten is a result of all the moves he made when he was younger. Change is scary! Stay consistent, loving eyes and lots of hugs. He wants reassurance he isn't going to move again. As far as the range of RAD, each kiddo is different and handles it differently. I have 5, 2 severe RAD, 1 moderate, 1 mild and another without. All adopted as babies…go figure! What I do know is that starting at age 5 working on this will benefit you immensely. As you get closer to teens, it gets harder! Finding a good RAD therapist that works with little ones is always a good start. Stay in touch. You are awesome!
10:30 pm
December 13, 2011
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Mimmi said:
I am an older parent of a 5 year old Rad child. I had always been a part of his life since birth, but was not biologically related to him. I knew something was amiss with him once he went into the foster care system at age 2 years and 3 months. I was able to intervene and get custody 4 to 5 months later. He had numerous caregivers prior to being put into foster care; however, they were the same ones and they were fortunately good people including myself and my daughter-in-law and then once in foster care he was placed with three different foster parents and a step grandparent all in a 4 to 5 month time span. When "he come back to us" as I always call it, he was into biting me really badly when he was upset and up until he went into foster care he hadn't. He poor behaviors esculated quickly and my husband and I have basically become prisoners in our own home. Although his behavior is better now at age 5 and 9 months at home, his behavior as he left headstart and started Kindergarten esculated into poor, uncontrollable behaviors quickly. We feel he has bonded with us and I would like to ask if you think this is postive and if so how postive? Do you think our having gotten full custody by age 2 years and 9 months and our prior involvement has helped him to not be quite so advanced in RAD at home or can we expect it to change? I am looking for answers desperately and hope to have found some from individuals who have experienced first hand a RAD child at age 5.
Looking into motives and reasons seems less productive to me than staying at the level of impact. Trying to determine why you son bites is an iffy proposition at best. Focusing on the impact of his biting and looking for ways to protect him and yourselves from that impact seems more useful to me.
1:46 pm
May 6, 2011
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Ricardo – In my experience, I have found that addressing the heart will address the behavior. Otherwise, it will keep occurring. What comes to mind is HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If a behavior is out of the norm for my kiddo, I start here to see if any of these apply. That has helped resolve a majority of the situations. If it becomes a continued behavior, I look deeper. For example, my youngest RAD doesn't not do well with change in routine or location and is out of control defiant when that happens. I have learned he feels unsafe as he is learning to trust me to take care of him and then am able to reassure him and use techniques to get him out of the fight/flight part of his brain. Without investigating his motive, I would only be managing behavior and not building (or rebuilding) healthy internal responses.
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