I wanted to spend some time talking about the things I need as a parent to work on. You don’t find this information discussed in a lot of parenting skills arenas. And this tendency to not look within and be open about it, makes me feel like the areas where I am inadequate are horrible. And there is a sense of being hopeless that accompanies that because I don’t know what to do replace them and then with what?

The answers I was looking for I found, thankfully, in the Total Transformation program. It was as if James Lehman looked right inside me and pointed out the areas that were blocking my abilities to parent my kids well. These were things that made my parenting fail more than I wanted.

A Change is in the Air

I’d like to show you a few effective parenting tips that gave me results right away.

1. Family business. Using a semi-formal business-like demeanor in handling out-of-line behaviors will leave you in the driver seat. When emotions are allowed to rule, control is given to the child. Their actions are not personally aimed at you, really! If you can remember they aren’t even sure who they are most days, it will help you parent effectively.
2. Transition Time. This is one of my favorites. Basically, discuss with your children that there will be a 10-15 minute window when either of you gets home where no questions are asked or problems presented. Everyone gets these few moments to unwind, catch up on the news of the day and reenter the family. Doing this without being barraged will make you a happier, interested parent. And your teen won’t feel attacked.
3. Responsible love vs unconditional love. There is some confusion here as we have always been told to love our children unconditionally. However, that is an emotional love and not a responsible love. This will lead your child to feel unsafe and unloved. A child feels loved when you set rules and are in charge.
4. Replacement and reciprocity. Be prepared to give your child replacement appropriate behaviors. Mention the rewards and mutual benefits of dealing with the situation appropriately. This works much better than yelling “stop”. It does however require some thinking ahead as well as some creative thinking.

Please know that this is not the end of the list. We as parents can and need to constantly be improving and changing ourselves. This is vitally important if we were not shown good parenting as children. Don’t be afraid of these changes. The benefits you will reap will come in the form of a honest, loving relationship with these sweeties! And there is no cost too great for that!

For many more tips and techniques for inside out parenting, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!