If you’re looking for Total Transformation program reviews, you’re going to find stuff that’s all over the board. There are some people that really love the program (like me) and some that can’t stand it. There are also those that call it a scam, but I’m not going to talk about those people here. I’ve got an entire post dedicated to that topic.
So why is there such disparity when you look for Total Transformation program reviews on Google or another search engine? Here are a few reasons I came up with:
- Total Transformation by James Lehman is a product that you have to use. Many people get all excited about something because they think it’s going to solve all their problems magically – like a silver bullet or something. That’s just not how it is. Everything takes work and the Total Transformation program is no exception. There is much to learn and practice, and it just doesn’t happen overnight. The whole premise of the program is to teach us as parents to help our children to learn to problem solve, and that’s not an immediate fix. Yes, there are some techniques in there that help you to stop arguments quickly and easily, and to change some of the unwanted behaviors pretty fast, but if you really want a lasting change, you’re going to have to work at it.
- It’s not for some kids. The Total Transformation program is designed for difficult, challenging children – ones that might have special needs like ODD, ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, etc. These children are abusive and out of control and if you’ve got those kinds of kids this program is going to help. If you’ve got normal kids that are just a little obnoxious once in a while (as all kids are!) you’re not going to need this system and I wouldn’t suggest buying it.
- Both parents aren’t on board. When training your kids to problem solve, you’re going to want to be a unified front, so they can’t work one of you against the other. If one of the parents doesn’t believe in the product or think that there’s a problem, it’s going to be much less effective.
Those are three reasons why you might see negative Total Transformation reviews when you go searching the web. If you want to read my review, click here. We’ve got five challenging kids, we’ve worked hard on the techniques the program teaches, and both of us are on board. And it’s worked for us.
Want more information on the Total Transformation program? Click here for a page of testimonials and reviews for many others that have used the product.
Respite is another area (along with support) that I have found gives me the ability to continue on this amazing journey. With kiddos who have special needs, a break for them and from them is important for all.
Finding respite is another story. With our RAD kids, there is special training that must be in place before a person can take them on. There are 2 kinds of respite. One is just being a few hours away and the other is therapeutic respite.
With the few hours away, most all the person needs is to be on board with your choices and decisions with this child and to not make the time away a holiday. This would mean no special activities, treats, or outings. Educating them on your child’s issues most also be done beforehand. Just a simple break for all to have some peace.
For therapeutic respite, there must be formal training. Fortunately, this can come in the form of online or DVD training if local training is not available. This is instrumental as anything other than a trained respite caregiver can make your work a lot harder when they return. This is the opposite of respite!!!
Either of these options can work when crazy becomes king in your home. And it is much better if you pick the respite type instead of letting the authorities choose!
Looking for a great resource for parenting Reactive Attachment Disorder kids? Nancy Thomas gives all the answers in her book When Love Is Not Enough. If you’ve got a child that you suspect has RAD, you must get this book!
Back in 1996, then-First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton wrote a book called “It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us”. She got a lot of flack when she wrote the book, including Bob Dole’s quote “With all due respect, I am here to tell you, it does not take a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child.” At the time, I couldn’t have agreed with Mr. Dole more. Now that I’ve got children with special needs, I’m leaning a little the other way. Not in the way Mrs. Clinton intended it, but I’ve found that when you’re trying to raise these kids, it’s imperative that you have a village to help you raise them – you just need to make sure it’s the right village!
One thing I’ve desperately learned is that I need to surround myself (and my family) with people who get what is going on specific to us. The isolation and loneliness without this only adds to the doubt that I am able to parent this child. And don’t even get me started on the crazy that follows that.
The issue we’ve encountered has been “Who can be a good support system?” Here a few things that I have figured out which might make this easier when you are deciding.
First, start with gathering good, succinct information on what you are following as your parenting technique. Causes, symptoms, and plan must be included. Second, hand it out to those who want in your circle of support. That would include:
- Extended family. They can be vital, ONLY if they agree to support your choices and decisions AND to follow them when they are with the child. If they cannot, unfortunately they will only make things worse. That doesn’t mean you can’t have contact with them, it just means it has to be limited and well supervised. Also, they would not be the people to call when your kiddo punches a hole in the wall!
- People who have children with similar issues. This has by far been one of my best areas of support. One day after my sweetie went running, my friend brought me over the greatest CD of music to uplift me. And with it, I got a much needed hug. Priceless!
- Support groups that are specific to your child’s issues. These can be found through counselors, doctors, on websites that you use for reference (which also are good if you can chat or message) or word of mouth. The information here might not be always exactly pertinent to your situation but just knowing you are not alone in your struggle is affirming.
Even if you end up with only one or two people coming alongside you, it is golden. Don’t go it alone – build yourself a village!
Could you use some parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is the Total Transformation program by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.
One of the things that we’ve learned as we go down the path of parenting Reactive Attachment Disorder children is that in many ways you don’t parent them the same way that you parent attached, bonded kiddos. Here are 10 things that work for RAD kids that you might not expect.
- Strong sitting. When they get stuck in the back of their brain it’s necessary to “jog their brain” to get them out of it. One of the ways to do this is to have them strong sit. This involves them sitting cross-legged on the ground facing the wall with their back straight, and their hands either on their knees or crossed under their chin. This helps them to get out of the back of their brain and into the front logical part. This is also a very good exercise just to do several times a day, whether they’re stuck or not.
- Five strong jumping jacks. Another way for their brain to get unstuck.
- Jump on a mini-trampoline. Yet another unsticking mechanism.
- Answer crazy with crazy. When they say something crazy like “What’s the weather like outside?” (basically a question designed to use your brain instead of theirs) answer them with a crazy statement like “When camels fall down from the sky the lakes will all run uphill and turn purple”. Have fun with it – whatever comes into your head, say it. That’s what they’re doing – why not you? For some reason the RAD kid will look at you kind of weird and say “yeah”, or go along with it, or just kind of start thinking. Hardly ever will they say “That was a dumb thing to say” like an attached kid would. There is a great video at the end of this post from a RAD mommy, Christine Moers, talking about her spin on this technique.
- Sugar them. Hold them in your arms like a baby (kind of hard if they’re a teenager, but do the best you can) and give them sugar. Mints, caramels, whipped cream (but not chocolate). Make sure you feed it to them by sticking it directly in their mouth, don’t let them take it from you and eat it themselves. This is good because it kind of recreates the sweetness of breast milk, and helps the child bond with you. Very important – more so for moms, but good for dads to do too. Have a pocketful of candy with you at all times so when they’re just walking by you can pop one in their mouth.
- Talk over them. Talk to each other (mom and dad) when they’re within earshot. Say something like “Billy’s being very weak for himself right now. If he decides to run away, we’ll have to decide what to do – call the police or what”. Have a conversation about them, but not to them and don’t include them in it. You can also do this on the phone, or even pretend to do it on the phone. This really works for us. It makes them use their brain. Amazing!
- Fast and Snappy. This is a term you want to use when you want them to do something. For some reason, it works for RADishes.
- Prescribe the behavior. If they like to pick their nose, give them an allotted time every day in their room for doing it. Tell them you want them to be the best nose-picker they can be, so they need to practice it. Stealing is also a behavior you can prescribe. Nancy Thomas talks about some interesting ways to do this in When Love Is Not Enough.
- Hold them. Sometimes when they are really stuck, or out of control, you want to hold them to keep them safe. This can be on your lap if they’re small or on the floor if they’re bigger. Hold their hands to keep them and you safe, and continue to look at them with loving eyes and tell them how much you love them. Hold them until they look back in your eyes and tell you they’re ready to obey, or they love you. If they’re big, it may take both of you. This might seem cruel, but I assure you it’s not. It’s loving and they really like it, though at the time they act like you’re killing them. Some of the most powerful healing happens during a holding time. It’s amazing! RAD kids didn’t get held when they were babies like they were supposed to and they need that to get healthy.
- Don’t give them information. RAD kids want to know what’s going on at all times, and if you always tell them they think they’ve got power and they get sicker. Don’t tell them what’s for dinner. Don’t tell them about a trip ahead of time. Don’t tell them how long until you get somewhere. Keep them in the dark – they need to learn to depend on you, not themselves!
There you go, with ten wild and crazy things to do to help your RAD kids get healthy. For many more ideas, tools, and techniques make sure to check out When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. This is the most important book you can buy, and it’s only about $12. Get one today!
One of the worst things we’ve done over the years is to let our kids use our brains. It happens all the time! It’s just a natural thing to do – they ask a question they can very easily figure out on their own and without thinking, you answer it. Argh!
So what am I talking about? Here are a few examples:
- “Mom, where’s my DS?”
- “Dad, where are my shoes?”
- “Mom, is it raining outside?”
- “What should I wear to school?”
- “What are we having for dinner?”
- “Mom, I don’t understand my homework!”
And on and on!
You know what we’ve found out? That if we let our kids use their own brains, they are remarkably intelligent – much smarter than I’ve ever given them credit for!
One of the things we do with our Reactive Attachment Disorder kids is when they break one of the house rules, we have them strong sit, do 5 strong jumping jacks, or jump on the trampoline. This helps them get “unstuck in their brain”. This process involves having them do the activity, then tell us what happened (what they did wrong). Lots of the time they’re doing something stupid and we start the process when we’re sure they don’t even know they’re doing something wrong. But about 99 percent of the time, when we ask them “What happened?”, they’re able to tell us exactly what the offense was! “I lied”, or “I wouldn’t stop talking”, or “I was arguing with you”, or “I was being annoying”, or “I didn’t obey”. They can be very articulate and spot on almost all the time.
To tell you the truth, I couldn’t believe that they would know what they did, because I don’t think like a RAD kid. I think “I’m not going to do that because it’s obnoxious”. They think “I AM going to do that because it’s obnoxious”. They think exactly the opposite from us most of the time. Our job as loving parents is to train them to think in the right way, using the front of their brain and not in a faulty way, using the back of their brain. So forge on, RAD parent! You’re awesome!
Do you have a RADish in the house?
The best book we’ve found for parenting our RAD kids is When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. For parents of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder this is a must have.
We’ve also had much success with Total Transformation by James Lehman. Though it’s not written specifically for RAD kids, the techniques we’ve learned in it have worked very well for ours.
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