We have a new writer for our site. Her name is Kristine, and here is her first offering. It’s about a little known disorder that her son suffers from called auditory processing delay, or auditory processing disorder. Read and learn!
When my son was born, he seemed normal. He cried a lot, and slept very little, but some kids do that, right?
At two years old we noticed he was not talking the same as other two year-olds, so my husband and I took him to see his pediatrician. After explaining our concerns and after the doctor examined him, we were told that he was perfectly normal, and that we had nothing to worry about.
I still had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right. He was easily agitated, and wouldn’t respond to me the way I felt he should. He was a bit “cut-off” from his surroundings. My attempts to potty train were futile. Moms have a special connection with their babies, and I knew he struggled on a social level. We took him back to the doctor, and had him examined again. This time we were also concerned about potty training. The doctor asked him questions, all of which our son, Gabriel, did not understand. Our little boy gave no eye contact. He was frightened when the doctor tried to put a tongue depressor in his mouth. Instead of taking his time and being patient, the doctor grabbed him and forced the tongue depressor down his throat, practically lying on top of him. Gabriel was terrified. We never went back to this office again. We changed pediatricians.
Was Gabriel Autistic?
At the new pediatrician, he was once again examined. We feared maybe he was autistic, as our friends and relatives had warned us. But this doctor said he did not feel that he was autistic. There was a slight possibility that he was on the autism spectrum slightly, but autism was not a concern. He referred us to an audiologist to test his hearing. During the hearing appointment, my husband held him on his lap and Gabriel was excited about this new experience. His passed his hearing test with flying colors which was good, but in a way not-so-good, because he still wasn’t responding normally on a social level. The audiologist told us that there were no doctors in Spokane to help him and that we’d have to look for doctors on the west side of the state. My husband and I both work, and that would be almost impossible, and our hearts sank. We got him involved in skating lessons, swimming lessons, and gymnastics which he loved, but he still made little effort to connect with other children. He seemed to never understand what the teachers were saying. He simply watched and followed.
We went back to our new pediatrician who, at our pleading, referred us to an autism specialist here in town. When we called to make the appointment, they said she was booked out for a year, but they would take our name and call us back.
In the meantime, upon revisiting our pediatrician who continued to reassure us that our son was not autistic, and to stop worrying about the potty training, he recommended speech therapy through a major hospital group in town. We began speech therapy. Each appointment our son was sat in a chair and not allowed to fidget. He was spoken to very matter-of-factly, as were even my husband and I. We were treated less than polite. Gabriel became bored quickly during his therapy and began to dread going. Whenever we had a question for the therapist we were answered in a condescending fashion. One day we received a bill for over $500 from the speech therapy service. When I called about having it sent to the insurance, they informed me that it was our responsibility to do that. I was amazed. Didn’t hospitals usually do that? I had to find out how to send this bill to our insurance. In the end, it was what was left over after the insurance paid. The speech therapy service only bills the insurance for a certain amount of visits. After that, it was our responsibility. We had to come up with the money. We no longer could afford speech therapy for our son.
One day at our son’s preschool, one of the moms gave us a pamphlet for speech therapy through Ritecare Spokane. We had never heard of it. We took the pamphlet and decided to check it out. When we called, they put us on their waiting list. A few weeks later, they got us in for an initial appointment. We were received warmly and treated with respect and dignity, and like we were family. The therapists smiled and laughed with our son and obviously enjoyed what they were doing. We could hardly believe what was happening. They got us in for appointments. Each session, the therapist got down on the floor with Gabriel and played with him. She interjected amazing techniques for him to open up and engage with her. After a few sessions, we were seeing a difference at home. What’s more, they offered classes for parents! We signed up and went to every class we could. And what makes this even more amazing is that it was offered free of charge.
Here, Gabriel finally got his diagnosis: Auditory processing delay
After a couple years of therapy, Gabriel came out of his shell, and began to excel at everything. At the recommendation of his preschool teacher, he stayed one more year in preschool before being pushed on to kindergarten. The therapists all agreed. Even when Gabriel completed his speech therapy at Ritecare, the therapists still called and wrote to see how he was doing. Gabriel had a special graduation from Ritecare, and was one of several wonderful children featured at their fundraisers, which we gratefully attended.
Three years later, we got the call from the autism specialist. Three years! I had forgotten all about them. They were supposed to call us after one year. My repeated attempts to get an appointment after not getting a call from them after a year were snuffed out as I was told to stop calling. We went in to see her, and after a thorough evaluation, we were informed that he was definitely not autistic.
The therapists at Ritecare were able to do what the doctors couldn’t.
Today, Gabriel has been able to excel at everything he does. He is bright and active, and in first grade, which he loves. He interacts with his peers, and shows concern for them. He is growing into a normal child, thanks to Ritecare, who gave him the appropriate diagnosis and therapy, and went above and beyond to educate us as parents to know what to do to ensure Gabriel’s longevity and success long after therapy is over.
Well, how did Christmas go for you and your kids? No, not the “ it was fine – food, presents and family”, you know the pat answer. Let’s be real – how did you fare with the family part?
Up to a few years ago, I thought Christmas was chaotic and crazy because that was normal. WRONG! Three years back, a very close family member told me that my kids were rude and out of control. I was shocked and hurt actually. Now some of this has to do with my issues at family functions but that will be for another article. And some of this has to do with my RAD kids not being able to handle holidays, or anything out of the norm for that matter, which I have since learned. Once I knew that, my husband and I decided we better find out if we can do something about this – duh!
What we did:
- Expected respect for each other. No overtalking, mean teasing, or mindless babbling! We let them know right from the get go , we had pockets full of mouth hugs and jumping jacks to get the brain shifted out of the fight and flight so they could relax and enjoy themselves.
- Gave them a head’s up when we were going to do something. Now this trick doesn’t work with RAD kids until there has been some healing, in fact it will backfire if used too soon. But down this road a bit and the kids a bit older, giving them this information made them feel involved and trusted. It resulted in less power struggles and more enjoyable family outings.
- Kept the schedule easy flowing. This was a bonus! Due to extended family logistics in coming for Christmas and a few conscious decisions to cut out a some activities, this year was definitely low key. And the reward was a calmer house and holiday! Definitely going to keep that in our plan!
Last year, we started this and notice a slight difference. This year wins the award for Much Improved! Oh and the family member who pointed out the problems, I have since admitted to them they were right and thanked them for helping our family get healthy!
Do you have RAD kids? For many more ideas, tools, and techniques make sure to check out When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. This is the most important book you can buy, and it’s only about $12. Get one today!
A friend of mine posted a link to this website on her facebook page and there are so many helpful, useful tips that I knew I had to pass it on to other people, especially parents. These are the people who are searching for fun and time efficient help in life.
Pick the ones that strike your fancy. Don’t add stress to your life by thinking you must do them all!
One of the hardest things about having RAD kids is the fact that you can’t lead a normal life. I was talking to a friend today at church and she told me about a conversation she’d had with someone who wanted to trade off watching each others kids once in a while. She didn’t know what to say – while she would be happy to watch her friend’s kids, there is no way she could let the women watch her RAD kiddo. She just didn’t understand the disorder. You see, you just can’t treat these kids like other kids. It makes them sicker.
If you had a child that was allergic to peanuts, people would bend over backwards to not give peanuts to that child. Parents of RAD kids don’t get the same kind of help. Quite often, just the opposite is true – quite often people will show up at your house covered in peanut butter! What do I mean by this? Well, it’s from a great article I read on another RAD parent’s site, and it really describes this perfectly. The mom who writes the blog has 2 older birth kids, and a younger child they adopted from Ethiopia. Click here to read the article.
If you’ve got adopted kids, you may be able to relate. If you have friends with adopted kids, you’ll understand their struggles even better.
Do you have RAD kids? For many more ideas, tools, and techniques make sure to check out When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. This is the most important book you can buy, and it’s only about $12. Get one today!
Some days I want to just want to give in. Let them make a second dinner they like, take off the time limits on the computer, not be their friends on Facebook, no grounding for bad grades, let them text at the dinner table, not check in where they are at, wake them when they oversleep, don’t remind them to brush their teeth or take a shower or pick up their dirty clothes. Let them leave their dishes everywhere, stay up as late as they want, have snacks right before dinner, not have to go to church or youth group with the family or say thank you or please, drive them to school when they are late and take their homework when they forget it. Buy them whatever they ask for in the store and drive them where ever they want to go whenever they want to go. Let them go to parties without checking to see if parents are going to be there or go places with their “friend” without chaperoning no matter what their age. Allow them to talking rudely to us or others without any reprimand. Don’t do chores or participate in family work projects. Never ask them to help set the table, clear the table or empty garbages. Oh how much easier life would be!
Or would it?
Maybe for just the moment but boy would I pay later. Why, you ask? Because an undisciplined child feels unloved. And in order to get disciplined (aka be loved) they will up the ante. “Where is the boundary?” they will ask and push until they find it. So for my momentary respite I pay for it with at least hours of recuperation. I muster on!
Could you use some parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is Total Transformation by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.
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