As we sent our oldest off to college, things – okay emotions – started popping up that I could not have imagined in the darkest, sleepless night. Such as “we could no longer define ourselves as a family of seven”. And really not even 6 due to another child choosing a hard path outside of the house. But that’s another blog. That was surprising. Was I dealing with pride – “oh you have a large family, Yes, thank you I do”? Or was I dealing with loss?
Change was to be expected.
But I realized I did not anticipate this moment when we adopted him. Especially since I had longed to be a mom since I was a child. I wanted to enjoy every moment – live in the present. Not miss a second was my friends’ great advice. We have been doing this same routine for 18 years. So, lost was “it’s another day in the life”. No longer was I sure what our daily family life looked like. How does it reestablish itself?
As it got closer, I started examining – he was not going to be here daily, so there was the change of meals, laundry, babysitter, even chauffeur. Foreseeable. Not so much were the relationship pieces. With us, with his brothers, with his friends, at church. We have a new “oldest” sibling. How do the remaining kiddos readjust to this “at home” birth order?
Another shocker was the void at night when I went to bed. You know, it was the sense of all the chicks are in the nest and I can sleep. Logic has not yet won over that emotion. The sense of protection is hard for me to revamp, I can’t even imagine how my husband must feel here. I awake easier to noises, even the other kids moving around in their beds.
Am I over the top?
Does all of this sound like I am a way “over the top mom” who needs to lighten up and let go? Well, that too has been an emotional struggle. Am I? I have heard a few stories from my friends of the feelings during this transition. They seemed to be sad and then cope. However, one of my friend’s husbands tipped his hand on Facebook though and let me see the struggle is longer than the trip home from dropping them off at school. Phew! Also, the famous Dr. Drew Pinsky wrote an article for Parade magazine, “ The Empty Nest x 3” on 8/28/11, that too confirmed I am in normal emotion range!
For now, the Mighty Mighty Hellstroms are here (and there) – just under construction.
About the author: By Julie HellstromJulie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.
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