We have started looking for ways not to fight with kids and to avoid power struggles. We have known our whole parenting career that our place was teach them to become independent, successful adults. And letting them go as they grow. This looks like letting kids make decisions on things we maybe didn’t like but could live with. James Lehman, MSW has a good word picture. “If you picture decision–making as a room, imagine that in the middle of the room are all the “soft” decisions—including what kind of music your child likes, what kind of clothes your son wears, who your daughter’s favorite movie star is. The walls of the room are the hard decisions around things like health, safety and academic performance.” So the “soft” decisions are ones we may not like but can live with.

However, our daughter starts pushing on the walls, we must stand and fight. We state the rules very clearly: “No, you can’t use drugs or drink or stay out all night.” And we stand firm on these house rules for all our kiddos. Things like drugs and alcohol, shoplifting, damaging people’s property and assault are easy to define—these types of behavior are very black and white. And there are laws to prove it.

We also stand on some of the “soft” issues if there is a moral problem with it. Like modesty in clothing or if  their choice in music is offensive or violent. We do say “You don’t have a right to listen to this music in my house,” and have found many parents do say that. But we have to make our family’s values and positions very, very clear so that when she looks to find solid ground later, she’ll know where to look.

We know our daughter may not do the things we want her to do—and she may do things we don’t want her to do. We also know we want to keep the lines of communication open either way. And have ultimately found that in choosing our battles, saying yes or using tough love, things are calmer around here and she is talking to us more and more kindly!

For many more tips and techniques to deal with tough love and choosing your battles, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

Most of us learn at an early age, around 3 or 4, that while “no” is disappointing because it means you don’t get want you want, that no is okay and they learn to adapt. For ODD kids, they react with kicking or hitting or property damage which ultimately makes them feel more out of control and the wheel starts turning.

However, every child needs to learn to handle the word no and the oppositional defiant disorder child is no different. So there is hope because there are things parents can do to avoid or to redirect their child’s behavior, or escape from explosive behavior.

Avoid the conflict – This is one strategy that is very successful. These kiddos need structure and a great way to give them that is to set up a daily schedule.

3 – 4 Snacks, relax

4 – 5 Homework and chores

5 – 6 Dinner

6 – 7 Play time

7 – 8 TV

9 Bedtime

So when Bobby asks to play during homework time. Instead of saying “no”, you can say something like “You know the schedule. This is homework time. Play time is at 6.” This not only avoids having to say no, but also teaches them how to follow a schedule, which ultimately gives them the structure they crave.

Redirect the behavior – If the situation starts to escalate, redirect his attention. “Remember, you can play at 6. Stay focused on your homework”. Then walk away. If you don’t think this is going to work, then redirect for a moment with something else like “Can you go get the frozen roast out of the freezer and put it in the microwave to defrost. That would be a great help.”

Escape from conflict – If the situation has escalated, simply state your position and turn and walk away! “It is not time for you to play, it is time for you to do your homework”. Do not turn back once you walk away. They will most definitely try to turn you around (and if you do the ODD kid wins and you lose the power), even if they are backtalking all the way to the chore.

The oppositional defiant disorder child can learn coping skills and as parents of these kids, that is very important to remember! As the poet Theodore Roethke said “a slow growth is a hard thing to endure.” Time and age helps with these guys.  It just takes more patience on our part. Stick to a plan and I believe you will see real change.

For many more tips and techniques to deal with an oppositional defiant child, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

Parents need to set limits with their kids of all ages. When they’re young, that’s not so tough. It’s easy to keep a toddler from touching the stove, or running out in the street. As they get older, especially into their teen years, it becomes harder and harder. Not only do the limits need to adjust over time, but they are also harder to enforce. This causes some parents to stop setting limits, or at least have trouble deciding how to do this. This is not a good thing!

Teenagers need limits just as much if not more than little kids. At that time of their life, they’re very confused and insecure about themselves, and they need to feel loved. Firm limits and boundaries show a struggling teen love. In addition, the choices they make as teenagers can have much farther reaching effects on them, some that may stick with them for the rest of their life.

Here are 3 ideas for setting limits for older kids and teens.

1. Plan ahead. Sometimes, when you run into child behavior problems with your teens, it’s hard to think on the fly. That’s why it’s good to have a predetermined framework of limits and consequences in place that you can fall back on in an emergency.

2. Work on your demeanor. This may not sound important, but the way you look and come across to your teenager is especially important when you’re dishing out advice or consequences. You don’t want your face to look to scary or mean. Practice in the mirror, and make sure your face looks kind and calm. I’ve noticed that with my kids that if I have a calm and kind demeanor, it really helps them to listen to me. If my tone is demeaning or harsh, it shuts them right down! Remember, kids are people too, and their feelings get hurt just like anyone else.

3. Talk with and listen to your teenager. Sometimes limits need to change, and it’s good to sit down with a difficult child if he looks like he’s going to test a limit – or if he already has. You might discuss his curfew with him, and make him a deal. If he thinks that it’s too early, you could say “OK, how about if you come home on time for a month, than we can look at changing it to a little later”. If he says “It’s no fair – my friends get to stay out until midnight, and I have to be home at 10″, you might say “I think 10 is safe. If you think you can stay safe until 10:30, let’s try that”. If they still want to stay out later, you could say “Let’s try 10:30 for a couple of weeks, and see how you do. Then we’ll talk about switching it to later”.

Limit setting is one of the most important things you can do for a child – don’t give up when you’re on the homestretch!

Do you have trouble setting limits for your teens?

For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

Let us go through this slowly. Initially, you have said no to your problem children. Next question, you guessed it, ‘why’? A quick explanation is all you will need. If you start overexplaining, you are handing the power over to them. That is what a defiant child wants – power. And it is a quick road to go down, because we believe it is best to get them to comprehend and then they will be okay with your answer.

But they don’t get okay with the answer. What takes place is you end up compromising. And then you begin changing the rules. And whenever you do this, you are training your kiddo to not take no for an answer. This is not very good for a struggling teen.

And if you play this out, he not only is getting educated to take no for an answer, you are rewarding him too. Yep, if he makes you switch the rules to what he wants, he gets what he wants! Thus the reward. Here are 5 helping steps to sticking to your no.

1. Set up your authority early on. Start setting boundaries very early in life. This includes good structure too. Such as holding your 3 yr. old child’s hand when crossing the road. This is your foundation.
2. Look for over-stimulation. If your kid is over-stimulated, he will seem to be like one of those out of control children. And, thus, they have a very hard time following directions. The best thing to do right here is provide them a 5-minute break. Then give them a opportunity to do what they were asked. If they are not able, offer them a few more minutes in the room to quiet down.
3. Do not allow them turn you around. If you have fairly given your child a short explanation and he starts to fight, the absolute thing to do is say “No, I am not going to discuss this any more”. Then walk away. DO NOT TURN AROUND. If you do, you provide him the power to turn you around every time.
4. Explain to your kid the new guidelines. The best time to explain the new “no” guidelines to your defiant child is when everything is calm. Tell them ‘no means no’. Help them come up with some coping techniques if no is a word that frustrates them.
5. Remember these 3 Parenting Roles: Instructor, Trainer and Limit Setter. All three of these roles are vital. The first 2 lead up to being able to effortlessly do the 3rd. A side note, not one of these roles is buddy. We are, however, to be friendly and show positive feelings to them.

That is the basic rundown. Hopefully, you will get a jump start on your child discipline at an early age, so you do not have to encounter kid behavior problems. Bear in mind, if you let them get away with not taking no for answer as kids, they’ll do it as grown ups. This will lead to problems in human relationships.

For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

The main thing I’ve noticed about these sites is that the writers have usually not had any experience using the products, nor have they actually even listened to the CD’s to review the product. They just feel that since it’s sold on the radio and on the internet, it must be a scam. In my opinion, this is just wrong.

If you really want to find out if Total Transformation is a scam, wouldn’t the best thing to do be see what people who have actually used the product have to say about it? I think that’s the best way, rather than take people’s word for it that don’t know anything about it.

My wife and I are parents of five adopted kids and we’ve had behavioral problems with them since day one. It’s been an enjoyable, but difficult journey raising these guys. At one point we were really struggling, and our neighbor turned us on to the Total Transformation. She let us listen to her CD’s, and we really liked what we heard. We started using the techniques, and they worked! Not magic-bullet worked, but with patience and perseverance, they paid off. To read a full review of our experience, click here.

I also looked around the web and found some independent comments by other people that have used the product, and I posted them here.

Lastly, Total Transformation has a page of reviews that people who have used the product have written. To access this page, click here. As you can see, anyone that’s used the product can post their review.

So make up your own mind – believe someone who has never even looked at the Total Transformation product, or people that have used it themselves. Click here to learn more about the Total Transformation.