We have a new writer for our site. Her name is Kristine, and here is her first offering. It’s about a little known disorder that her son suffers from called auditory processing delay, or auditory processing disorder. Read and learn!
When my son was born, he seemed normal. He cried a lot, and slept very little, but some kids do that, right?
At two years old we noticed he was not talking the same as other two year-olds, so my husband and I took him to see his pediatrician. After explaining our concerns and after the doctor examined him, we were told that he was perfectly normal, and that we had nothing to worry about.
I still had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right. He was easily agitated, and wouldn’t respond to me the way I felt he should. He was a bit “cut-off” from his surroundings. My attempts to potty train were futile. Moms have a special connection with their babies, and I knew he struggled on a social level. We took him back to the doctor, and had him examined again. This time we were also concerned about potty training. The doctor asked him questions, all of which our son, Gabriel, did not understand. Our little boy gave no eye contact. He was frightened when the doctor tried to put a tongue depressor in his mouth. Instead of taking his time and being patient, the doctor grabbed him and forced the tongue depressor down his throat, practically lying on top of him. Gabriel was terrified. We never went back to this office again. We changed pediatricians.
Was Gabriel Autistic?
At the new pediatrician, he was once again examined. We feared maybe he was autistic, as our friends and relatives had warned us. But this doctor said he did not feel that he was autistic. There was a slight possibility that he was on the autism spectrum slightly, but autism was not a concern. He referred us to an audiologist to test his hearing. During the hearing appointment, my husband held him on his lap and Gabriel was excited about this new experience. His passed his hearing test with flying colors which was good, but in a way not-so-good, because he still wasn’t responding normally on a social level. The audiologist told us that there were no doctors in Spokane to help him and that we’d have to look for doctors on the west side of the state. My husband and I both work, and that would be almost impossible, and our hearts sank. We got him involved in skating lessons, swimming lessons, and gymnastics which he loved, but he still made little effort to connect with other children. He seemed to never understand what the teachers were saying. He simply watched and followed.
We went back to our new pediatrician who, at our pleading, referred us to an autism specialist here in town. When we called to make the appointment, they said she was booked out for a year, but they would take our name and call us back.
In the meantime, upon revisiting our pediatrician who continued to reassure us that our son was not autistic, and to stop worrying about the potty training, he recommended speech therapy through a major hospital group in town. We began speech therapy. Each appointment our son was sat in a chair and not allowed to fidget. He was spoken to very matter-of-factly, as were even my husband and I. We were treated less than polite. Gabriel became bored quickly during his therapy and began to dread going. Whenever we had a question for the therapist we were answered in a condescending fashion. One day we received a bill for over $500 from the speech therapy service. When I called about having it sent to the insurance, they informed me that it was our responsibility to do that. I was amazed. Didn’t hospitals usually do that? I had to find out how to send this bill to our insurance. In the end, it was what was left over after the insurance paid. The speech therapy service only bills the insurance for a certain amount of visits. After that, it was our responsibility. We had to come up with the money. We no longer could afford speech therapy for our son.
One day at our son’s preschool, one of the moms gave us a pamphlet for speech therapy through Ritecare Spokane. We had never heard of it. We took the pamphlet and decided to check it out. When we called, they put us on their waiting list. A few weeks later, they got us in for an initial appointment. We were received warmly and treated with respect and dignity, and like we were family. The therapists smiled and laughed with our son and obviously enjoyed what they were doing. We could hardly believe what was happening. They got us in for appointments. Each session, the therapist got down on the floor with Gabriel and played with him. She interjected amazing techniques for him to open up and engage with her. After a few sessions, we were seeing a difference at home. What’s more, they offered classes for parents! We signed up and went to every class we could. And what makes this even more amazing is that it was offered free of charge.
Here, Gabriel finally got his diagnosis: Auditory processing delay
After a couple years of therapy, Gabriel came out of his shell, and began to excel at everything. At the recommendation of his preschool teacher, he stayed one more year in preschool before being pushed on to kindergarten. The therapists all agreed. Even when Gabriel completed his speech therapy at Ritecare, the therapists still called and wrote to see how he was doing. Gabriel had a special graduation from Ritecare, and was one of several wonderful children featured at their fundraisers, which we gratefully attended.
Three years later, we got the call from the autism specialist. Three years! I had forgotten all about them. They were supposed to call us after one year. My repeated attempts to get an appointment after not getting a call from them after a year were snuffed out as I was told to stop calling. We went in to see her, and after a thorough evaluation, we were informed that he was definitely not autistic.
The therapists at Ritecare were able to do what the doctors couldn’t.
Today, Gabriel has been able to excel at everything he does. He is bright and active, and in first grade, which he loves. He interacts with his peers, and shows concern for them. He is growing into a normal child, thanks to Ritecare, who gave him the appropriate diagnosis and therapy, and went above and beyond to educate us as parents to know what to do to ensure Gabriel’s longevity and success long after therapy is over.
Kids are adverse to responsibility as north is to the south pole. They have learned from an early age that others will take care of them, feed them, bathe them, dress them. It is no big shock that responsibility is something we have to teach them because they are not born with it. So we must train and coach them in this arena.
It doesn’t help matters that responsibilities are normally B-O-R-I-N-G!! And we know that kids love to do exciting things. Cleaning their room or doing dishes are not stimulating for them, period. You could get creative in these activities and try to make them more interesting, however visions of broken dishes and clothes hanging from the ceiling fan do come to mind!
It usually is easier to just do it ourselves. Max Lucado, Christian author , says patience (or responsibility, if I may be so bold) means letting a child take 3 hours to do something that takes us 15 minutes to do. I don’t believe this is training them up to be successful adults. Groans, redirection, and complaints aside!
Let’s start here:
- Early – Yep , the sooner you can training them to responsible the better you (and they!) will fair later. I did not want to spend all day cleaning up so I had 2 simple rules; pickup what you are playing with before you move on to something else and final cleanup half an hour before dinner. At first, I modeled (see training and coaching section below), then I worked side by side where I would pick up a block and then they would pick up a block, and finally I let them run solo. Also in this category would fall alarm clocks. Let them be responsible for getting up in the morning. As my kids got older, I added other responsibilities with this. Such as come out dressed.
- Be an Example – Start using wording like “I am off to work. My job is my responsibility” or “Time to do laundry which is my responsibility”. Let them see you doing your responsibilities. Just as a side note, your word is vital in teaching so stay away from making promises you can’t keep. It will color all the rest of the important concepts you are using words to teach your children.
- Train and Coach – Share with the child what exactly responsibility is. Such as, they are things you have to do, things you have made a commitment to do, or things where other people are depending on you to get done. For younger children, it is putting away your blocks after playing. For older kids, it is picking up your towel and clothes after your shower.
The coaching part is pretty much that. I had a physical therapist tell me “don’t correct his walking stance while he is going from point A to point B. He is focused and it comes off as nagging.” That means don’t start harping on him to clean the bathroom in the middle of the video game. Let him know that when he is done with that game, level, whatever, you want to talk to him. Then take him in the bathroom and coach. For example, “you did a great job hanging up your towel. Work harder here on picking up your clothes.” Don’t do it for him, coaches don’t throw the football if the quarterback didn’t do it right! And here is a good reminder – catch them doing it right – your praise is their reward! And vital in your relationship.
Believe me, I get it when it feels like all we do is train and coach, and coach and coach. But trust me, if we don’t teach them responsibility before they leave, they will be hearing the same things from adults, like “why didn’t you get that project done by the deadline?” or “why were you speeding?” and the consequences are much more severe than be held accountable for picking their towel!
Could you use some parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is Total Transformation by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.
Hi! I’m Julie and I am an enabler! Yep, I figured this out (with a bit of help from my therapist – OK, a lot of help from my therapist!) recently. You see I got crossed up along the parenting way. The confusion came on slowly and was not even recognizable until it was too late.
Priding myself on not being one of these moms who ran to the school everytime my child was wronged or not always thinking it was the other kid’s fault, I thought I was right on track. Not so! Enter in the confusion. I thought for them! That’s right – they used my brain. Are you saying what in the world does this mean? Well let me tell you. It means instead of asking them what happened, what they needed to do or do differently next time, I told them! But why oh why would I do that? I shall explain.
- It took less time. Waiting for them to figure it out was time consuming and with 5 kids time was at a premium.
- I could ward off consequences. You heard me right! I could not stand to watch my kids hurt. My baggage coupled with my mama’s heart brought this beauty up.
- And I could do damage control towards me. Less yelling, less messes to clean up, etc.
Crazy thinking, huh? And crazier even still is that none of the above was true. It took more time and I had little control of the consequences, and then I still got major flak. But it happened and I became an enabler. There were other circumstances, of course, and not all mine. However, I am the parent and must take responsibility for my actions!
Could you use some parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is Total Transformation by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.
Apologies are an interesting thing. We were taught as youngsters to always say “sorry”. That is the right thing to do. It just has always bothered me, first to tell my kids to say it and second, the way they say it. ‘Soooorrry’, sniff just does not evoke relationship mending feelings. Over my parenting years I have learned a few things that might clear up and direct us in a more positive training approach in regards to “I am sorry”.



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