One of the ineffective parenting roles James Lehman talks about in the Total Transformation is the over-negotiator. Here’s how that manifests itself in our house.
It is hard to set reasonable rules for our family. And even harder when I try to enforce them that I meet the “master negotiator”. You know what I am talking about, the kid who likes to put his toe over the line. Wants to just see where you will budge. It is the hardest to not give in too.
I like to not always be a “no” mom, so I want to try to find places where I can say yes. But I have found this is not normally a good area to do this. Why? Because this tells the child that your rules are not firm. And I know when I have caved because I get this helpless, I am not in control feeling.
Now I am not talking about general things, like “can I put my socks in the dirty clothes after I save off this video game?”, but more about, “can I stay out 15 extra minutes tonight?”. Which will turn into 20 tomorrow and on and on. So I have to pick which rules I will not negotiate and stick to them.
Then I look for other areas that give me the “yes” mom happiness that I want. It turns into a win-win situation because the child knows your no means no and that creates security for him.
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills, Total Transformation Review 
Since we are going through the Total Transformation DVD’s and CD’s, we thought it would be good to explain what the Total Transformation workbook is all about, since it’s a major part of the program.
The Total Transformation workbook is 118 pages, and it starts out explaining a little about the program, and a little about James Lehman who came up with it. Right away after that it starts the training – it suggests you watch the Jump Start DVD, then you’re instructed to answer some questions about your child. These questions are designed to help you identify the behaviors that your kid needs help with.
Next, you’re supposed to go to lesson one in the workbook, and taking a pre-test to lesson one. After you take the test, you listen to CD #1 and then go through the exercises and/or additional information in the workbook. After lesson one in the workbook, there is a post-test, exactly the same as the pre-test, for you to take and see if your answers changed. The post-test isn’t in every chapter, but the pre-test is.
A few of examples of the true/false questions he asks in the workbook pre-test and post-test are:
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Children act disrespectfully or destructively because they’ve lost control of themselves.
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Parents have to work harder to understand a child who is behaving inappropriately.
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Out-of-control behavior is a sign of mental illness.
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Kids need to see something as “fair” in order for them to take it seriously.
The answers to the above questions? 1: False 2: True 3: False 4: False
Did you get them all right? When I first took the test I only got 3 out of 10 right! Here’s what’s neat, though - it’s never too late to get started with this program. All of my kids, including my 15 year old, have improved behaviors from the techniques I’m now using.
The Total Transformation workbook goes through each CD in a similar fashion – recap, training, special words from Mr. Lehman, and tests. It’s really good, and easy to do. He suggests you take it one CD per week, and work on one, two, ten, or all of the techniques suggested. I agree – there is a lot in there, and you don’t want to overwhelm yourself.
Next post – the Jump Start DVD.
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills, Total Transformation Review
What exactly do you learn from Total Transformation? In other words, how does the program work?
If you think that you’ll change your kid’s behaviors without changing your own behavior, then whatever you do, don’t buy Total Transformation. As we go through the DVD’s and CD’s, it becomes abundantly clear that James Lehman is out to teach us as parents to change how we deal with our children, which in turn will make the child change.
Mr. Lehman states over and over that the main reason that kids are disobedient, out-of-control, and abusive is they don’t have problem solving skills, and acting out is the way they get through life, instead of learning to problem solve. Mr. Lehman shows us many different skills we can start using as parents in order to help our kids learn, but you’ve got to want to work at it! Nothing happens overnight!
There are many different permissive styles that parents have in raising their children, and most of them are ineffective. Some of these include the martyr, the screamer, bottomless pockets, over-negotiator, and the perfectionist. These are the roles that we as parents need to change if we’re going to help our kid to problem solve, and get our house back to normal. Mr. Lehman goes over each of these roles and cures for them in the Total Transformation, and I’m going to touch on most if not all of them in my reviews of the program.
Here’s the truth – you probably need to change your behavior. You can’t expect to fix your child if you’re not willing to learn and grow yourself. If that sounds like something you won’t mind doing, then Total Transformation might be for you.
Next up – The Total Transformation Workbook.
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
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