A friend of mine posted a link to this website on her facebook page and there are so many helpful, useful tips that I knew I had to pass it on to other people, especially parents. These are the people who are searching for fun and time efficient help in life.
Pick the ones that strike your fancy. Don’t add stress to your life by thinking you must do them all!
Some days I want to just want to give in. Let them make a second dinner they like, take off the time limits on the computer, not be their friends on Facebook, no grounding for bad grades, let them text at the dinner table, not check in where they are at, wake them when they oversleep, don’t remind them to brush their teeth or take a shower or pick up their dirty clothes. Let them leave their dishes everywhere, stay up as late as they want, have snacks right before dinner, not have to go to church or youth group with the family or say thank you or please, drive them to school when they are late and take their homework when they forget it. Buy them whatever they ask for in the store and drive them where ever they want to go whenever they want to go. Let them go to parties without checking to see if parents are going to be there or go places with their “friend” without chaperoning no matter what their age. Allow them to talking rudely to us or others without any reprimand. Don’t do chores or participate in family work projects. Never ask them to help set the table, clear the table or empty garbages. Oh how much easier life would be!
Or would it?
Maybe for just the moment but boy would I pay later. Why, you ask? Because an undisciplined child feels unloved. And in order to get disciplined (aka be loved) they will up the ante. “Where is the boundary?” they will ask and push until they find it. So for my momentary respite I pay for it with at least hours of recuperation. I muster on!
Could you use some parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is Total Transformation by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.
You may be ready to ditch diapers long before your child is. Potty training requires both physical and emotional preparedness for everyone involved. Starting potty training too early only prolongs the process. A toddler is physically ready for potty training when he or she can control bladder muscles and bowel movements. Indications that your child is physically ready for potty training include having bowel movements at similar times each day, and reduced bowel movements during the night. You child also must be physically able to remove clothing, climb and communicate their desire to go. Talking children are the easiest to potty train, but those that sign may also be ready to learn.
Emotional preparedness may take a bit longer for your child than physical preparedness. He or she must show interest in using the toilet and have a cooperative attitude. Children whose immediate response impulse is “no” may be difficult to potty train. As your child approaches two years in age, begin including potty training verbiage into your discussions, books and television programs. Listen for your child to begin using terms like “big girl” or “big boy” or talking about wearing underpants. Children may begin to use a potty training seat as a chair, or playing with it as a toy. It is normal for young boys to take longer to show interest in potty training than it takes young girls, and the same holds true for mastering the skill.
When both you and your child are ready to begin toilet training, remember to keep reasonable expectations. Your child may quickly catch on to using the potty, but accidents are common. There may be false starts, set backs and failed methods to work around. Be sure to have a plan B, a plan C and perhaps even a plan D. What works for one child may not always be successful with others. Expensive potty training accessories and gimmicks come with no guarantee. Instead, save money you might spend on these items to purchase underwear with your child’s favorite cartoon characters printed on them. These are an excellent motivator for kids.
Scheduled potty breaks are essential in the beginning stages of toilet training. You can avoid accidents by taking your child to the restroom every 60 to 90 minutes, but be prepared to rush to the bathroom at any moment. Many children do not want “going potty” to interrupt their playtime. They may hold their hands over their bottom or genital area while continuing their normal activities. It is important to seize these opportunities. Explain to your child that the feelings that prompt him to cover himself are an alert to stop what he is doing to relieve himself in the toilet. Some parents find that children are less likely to ignore restroom urges when they are completely naked. If weather — and the flooring in your living space — permits, consider removing your child’s clothes to allow him to feel his body preparing to evacuate waste.
Incentives for successful bathroom trips encourage early potty training by motivating children. A clear plastic cotton ball holder placed on the back of the toilet can hold treats such as miniature marshmallows, jellybeans or M&Ms. Offer one treat for urine and two for bowel movements. A great suggestion is to buy jellybeans and M&Ms in only yellow and brown to reward specific functions appropriately.
The author of this post is Holly Miller, a writer for Coupon Croc, the best place to find Mamas & Papas discount vouchers to save on everything your baby needs.
Kids are adverse to responsibility as north is to the south pole. They have learned from an early age that others will take care of them, feed them, bathe them, dress them. It is no big shock that responsibility is something we have to teach them because they are not born with it. So we must train and coach them in this arena.
It doesn’t help matters that responsibilities are normally B-O-R-I-N-G!! And we know that kids love to do exciting things. Cleaning their room or doing dishes are not stimulating for them, period. You could get creative in these activities and try to make them more interesting, however visions of broken dishes and clothes hanging from the ceiling fan do come to mind!
It usually is easier to just do it ourselves. Max Lucado, Christian author , says patience (or responsibility, if I may be so bold) means letting a child take 3 hours to do something that takes us 15 minutes to do. I don’t believe this is training them up to be successful adults. Groans, redirection, and complaints aside!
Let’s start here:
- Early – Yep , the sooner you can training them to responsible the better you (and they!) will fair later. I did not want to spend all day cleaning up so I had 2 simple rules; pickup what you are playing with before you move on to something else and final cleanup half an hour before dinner. At first, I modeled (see training and coaching section below), then I worked side by side where I would pick up a block and then they would pick up a block, and finally I let them run solo. Also in this category would fall alarm clocks. Let them be responsible for getting up in the morning. As my kids got older, I added other responsibilities with this. Such as come out dressed.
- Be an Example – Start using wording like “I am off to work. My job is my responsibility” or “Time to do laundry which is my responsibility”. Let them see you doing your responsibilities. Just as a side note, your word is vital in teaching so stay away from making promises you can’t keep. It will color all the rest of the important concepts you are using words to teach your children.
- Train and Coach – Share with the child what exactly responsibility is. Such as, they are things you have to do, things you have made a commitment to do, or things where other people are depending on you to get done. For younger children, it is putting away your blocks after playing. For older kids, it is picking up your towel and clothes after your shower.
The coaching part is pretty much that. I had a physical therapist tell me “don’t correct his walking stance while he is going from point A to point B. He is focused and it comes off as nagging.” That means don’t start harping on him to clean the bathroom in the middle of the video game. Let him know that when he is done with that game, level, whatever, you want to talk to him. Then take him in the bathroom and coach. For example, “you did a great job hanging up your towel. Work harder here on picking up your clothes.” Don’t do it for him, coaches don’t throw the football if the quarterback didn’t do it right! And here is a good reminder – catch them doing it right – your praise is their reward! And vital in your relationship.
Believe me, I get it when it feels like all we do is train and coach, and coach and coach. But trust me, if we don’t teach them responsibility before they leave, they will be hearing the same things from adults, like “why didn’t you get that project done by the deadline?” or “why were you speeding?” and the consequences are much more severe than be held accountable for picking their towel!
Could you use some parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is Total Transformation by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.
I have a child who is self-declared lazy. He has no bones about looking you straight in the eye and saying “NO” when asked to do something. And if he is mad because he can’t do something he wants, simply walking away is his method of rejection your request. Only if there is a tangible reward, he may comply. But if he can’t get his way, no carrot is sufficient. Sadly, sometimes he will let others down just to not give in to us. Yeah, it is a lesson in frustration.
Now don’t get me wrong. We have trained this child up since he was a toddler, “brush your teeth, make your bed, get dressed”. As the years have progressed, daily and weekly chores were added with appropriate training, rewards and eventually consequences if needed. Then he hit adolescence and found out he has power. And the boy who decided at 2, he no longer wanted to wear diapers and potty trained himself in 3 days, used that inner drive to get only what we wants in life. I gotta teach this kiddo about accountability.
Since we can check off the training, we must still work on rewards and consequences. I did find some good tips on how to do this in the Total Transformation parenting information.
A Different Way of Saying Things
Words are powerful. It always amazes how adding (or sometimes deleting!) a word can totally open up the communication between two people. Boy, can I use that for this new challenge.
- Responsibility. Start pointing out all the responsibilities everyone in all the house is doing. “Cooking dinner is my responsibility”. “Dad’s responsibility is going to work so we can have food so I can cook dinner.” “Brushing your teeth is a responsibility”. You get it, I am sure.
- Rewards. Now use the same philosophy with rewards. “This is your reward for doing your homework”. “You are getting this reward because you didn’t yell at your brother today”.
- Consequences. Then – “This is the consequences for not completing your schoolwork”. You are getting this consequence because you didn’t complete your chores this morning”.
It might be helpful to have worked up some rewards and consequences beforehand. That way you don’t have to think on your feet. Ask them what they would like rewards to be, like what they would like to do. Just be sure it doesn’t money, buying or spending! And remember teens rewards do not usually involve spending time with you.
Consequences also can be discussed. This may look like withholding things, like electronics, or assigning extra chores. It is important here to find the buttons that work. If I were to withhold electronics and then assign extra chores, I would be spitting in the wind. Also, I have had to learn to be reasonable about my time lengths for consequences.
So I had better get started with this new language. The clock is ticking…
That’s a couple Total Transformation Techniques that work for us. For many more tools and techniques make sure to check out Total Transformation today. It’s worked for us!
Recent Comments