A Few Reactive Attachment Disorder Facts

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For those of us whose children have had multiple diagnoses, here are a few helpful bits of information concerning Reactive Attachment Disorder.

First off, there is a new term being considered for Reactive Attachment Disorder which is Development Trauma Disorder. While RAD is found in the DSM IV, the definition is confusing. With the DSM V almost ready for release, look for this possible new terminology.
There is one primary symptom that separates RAD from Bipolar, ADHD, or Autism. That is they are superficially engaging and charming. If your child has this system, they are RAD! It helps to know this because you have a starting point to work with.
Thirty two researchers did a study that determined that for Children at Risk, attachment is the root of their mental illness.
Along the lines of symptoms, just FYI, if your child has persistent nonsense questions and chatter, there is a reason. The researchers have determined that these kiddos have up to 15 flashbacks a day, full color and sound, of the trauma they experienced. So in order to keep them at bay, they talk incessantly.
Then lastly, the reason it gets harder when working with teens (but not impossible!) is that at age 15 the brain reformats itself. So any unused connections are discarded and are no longer available.

I wanted to share this information, not for scare tactics, but I find in knowledge is freedom.

Do you have a RAD kiddo? Don’t have anyone to talk to about it? Visit our Parents Forum to meet others that can feel your pain!

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.

Parents – Take Care of Yourselves!

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If you’re the mom or dad of a difficult child, especially one that’s ODD, ADHD, or RAD, then you know how physically and mentally tiring that can be. These kids can really drain your energy, and you absolutely must take steps to take care of yourself. If you aren’t healthy and well rested, you just can’t be of any use to your kid at all.

The most important thing for you to do as a parent is to stay calm and upbeat, always having a smile (or at least smiling eyes) to offer your child. If your eyes say “Go away, don’t bother me” instead of “I love you!” or “You’re OK” you’re just not in any place to parent that kid. The problem is that some kids need that type of affirmation every few minutes, all day long. It’s pretty easy to get tired, right?

So what can you do? Here are ten ideas that we’ve learned through the years:

Good nutrition and vitamins. Very important to not deplete yourself physically. High stress requires replenishment of vitamin B and Calcium. Make sure you take a supplement, and eat lots of fruits and vegetables.
Exercise. Get 20 to 30 minutes of aerobic exercise at least 3 times a week.
Sleep. Make sure to get plenty of sleep, 10 to 12 hours per night at first. If you’re a 2 parent family, you might have to stagger sleep time.
Take some time off. At least once a week do something for yourself that you enjoy – bowling, gardening, a bubble bath, take in a movie or dinner out – whatever works for you. “You” time.
Call in the reserves. If you’ve got some friends that can watch your kids for an hour or two once a week, take advantage of it.
Couple time. If you’re married, make sure to spend some time together as a couple – at least once a month, and hopefully 2 or 3 times a year take a weekend a way. It’s amazing how much a relaxing weekend can rejuvenate you.
Check yourself for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Depression. Nancy Thomas in her book When Love is not Enough has 3 checklists for Depression, PTSD, or secondary PTSD. If you’re the parent of a Reactive Attachment Disorder kid, you almost surely suffer from secondary PTSD.
Don’t wonder “Why did they do that?” Many parents spend countless hours trying to make sense of why the kids do what they do. Stop it! That’s the whole point – it’s crazy behavior! It doesn’t make sense. Don’t try to make sense out of the senseless!
Establish a support system. We have found this to be crucial. It’s easy to get isolated and totally obsessed with parenting, and sometimes you just need to talk about other things with people who understand what your life is like.
Laugh! Figure out a way to get a few laughs in, even if it’s at yourself! Yesterday, my wife and I laughed really hard about something that had happened that way that was just silly, but it sure felt good!

These are a few ideas on how to take care of yourself – I’m sure if you start putting your mind to it you’ll think of many more!

Looking for more parenting help?

One tool that we’ve used is the Total Transformation program by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.

Parent the Child You Have

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I was watching the Jump Start DVD from James Lehman in his Total Transformation program yesterday and it really hit home with me and made sense. Mr. Lehman talks about parenting the child you have, not the one you wish you have. When you have kids (or adopt them, as we did) you have this picture in your mind of what that child’s going to be like when they get bigger. What I’ve found is it’s very hard to get that picture out of your mind when you find out what the child is actually like.

One example is sports – Dad dreams of having a son that plays football, basketball, and baseball like he did when he was a kid. He enrolls his child in T-Ball, Pop Warner football, and so forth, faithfully attending all the games and encourages him all along the way. But the kid wants to be in band and debate. So Dad needs to drop his dreams, and encourage the child in the child’s dreams.

Having a special needs child is another great example, used by James Lehman in the video above. He talks about you having to be a special needs parent in order to be able to give that child the tools he needs to survive and be successful in the world today.

Total Transformation gives you those tools. This program is not for parents of compliant, well-adjusted children. It’s designed for parents of defiant, out-of-control children who may suffer from ADD, ADHD, ODD, Asperger’s, and many other disorders. Take a look at their website and see if what he talks about resonates with you in any way. It’s helped our family, and I bet it can help yours too!

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.

Neurotherapy for Reactive Attachment Disorder and ADHD

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We have been learning SO MUCH about Reactive Attachment Disorder and ADHD over the last couple of years, and much of what we learned is very scientific. One of the things we’ve learned about is neurotherapy (or neurofeedback) and how that can help with these disorders.

We have five adopted kids, and one of the main things you need to be aware of if you’re going to adopt is that the child is most likely going to have some attachment issues. Reactive Attachment Disorder is a very real and very serious problem, but it is one that can be reversed and the child can become whole and well again.

What happens when a child is abused, neglected, or any number of other things, is that their brain does not fully develop in a healthy way. They get used to doing all of their thinking in the back or “Flight, Fight, or Freeze” part of their brain and the neural pathways never develop to the logical, front part of the brain. This is a very simplified explanation of what happens and being that I’m just a dad and not a doctor or scientist, I’ll leave it at that. You can learn more from a neurotherapist in your community if you’re interested. However, I can speak to what happens to the behavior of the child.

Our kids have been having neurotherapy sessions once a week for 3 months now and I can truly say the results are astounding! One of them would get very stuck: if he didn’t want to do something or thought it wasn’t fair, he would become extremely belligerent, verbally abusive, he would act out, and be totally illogical for hours or days on end. He didn’t care who he hurt or offended – he was miserable to be around! In the last 2 or 3 weeks, we have seen the most remarkable change! He is able to articulate his feelings and to handle adversity and the word “no” much better. It seems like he’s grown up 5 years in the last 2 months – we can’t believe it!

We have another kiddo that is 11 and has always had the worst handwriting. About a week ago my wife looked at one of his papers and said “Who wrote this for you?” He stated that he did it, and she couldn’t believe it! It was 50 times more legible than it had ever been in the past.

Another one of our guys is 12 and he’s always been pretty ADHD. Since we started the neurotherapy, we’ve taken him off of his medication, and he’s much calmer and doesn’t have to be in control like in the past. It’s great!

So how does this work?

The first thing they do is go in for a “Brain Map”, which involves putting a electrodes all over their heads and measuring their brain waves – basically an EEG. This is how the therapist determines which areas to work on.

Then the therapy starts – watching movies and video games! They put these little sensors on the kid’s fingers which measure heart beat, breathing, and sweat, then they make a car go in a video game if they’re able to stay calm. This helps to remap the brain somehow – don’t ask me how, but I know it works!

After that, the child picks out a movie and the therapist puts sensors on each ear, and on one spot on their head (in the area they want to “fix”). The kid watches the movie, and if the brain does something that it’s not supposed to, the movie stops for a split second. The brain then “reprograms” its action, using a different pathway that’s more appropriate and the movie starts again. This teaches the brain to use the right pathways instead of the wrong ones, and builds up that communication between the back and the front of the brain.

It seems wild, I know, but it works! If you’ve got a kid that has RAD, ADD, ADHD, or autism I would highly recommend trying out this therapy! What have you got to lose? Here’s a video I found about one child’s experience, take a look.

What else can you do?

The best book we’ve found for parenting our RAD kids is When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. For parents of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder this is a must have.

We’ve also had much success with Total Transformation by James Lehman. Though it’s not written specifically for RAD kids, the techniques we’ve learned in it have worked very well for ours.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.

James Lehman

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James Lehman created The Total Transformation, a comprehensive, multi-media program offering parents practical solutions to the most challenging problems facing them from their children, including disrespect, lying, swearing, defiance and acting out in school.

James Lehman, MSW (Masters of Social Work) worked for more than 30 years with troubled teens, children, and their families to educate, treat, and assist them in improving child behavior. He certainly had the experience to help these families, as evidenced by his own life.

James was born in 1946 and was abandoned at the age of 2 by parents unable to care for him. He was adopted by Teddy and Marguerite Lehman, who went on to raise him. He exhibited defiant behaviors as he grew up, and they gradually grew more severe, until he quit school, left home and lived on the streets of New York City. He started using drugs and alcohol, which eventually led to a life of crime. He spent more than 6 years in various prisons. He was then given an opportunity to participate in an accountability-focused treatment program.

After graduating from that program, he became a staff coordinator and his career as counselor and therapist began. He went to several schools including Fordham University and Boston University where he graduated with a Master’s Degree in Social Work.

While working at a residential treatment center, James began private practice and started providing treatment and training to families, schools and state agencies. This is where he started providing the tools to parents, teachers, and case workers that eventually were developed into the Total Transformation program, which is designed to teach kids problem-solving skills so they would be able to be successful in life without using disrespectful and abusive behavior.

James Lehman has a no-nonsense but compassionate way about him, and though most of the things he tells you in his program seem very simple and “are just common sense”, there were a lot that I didn’t think of on a daily basis. He has definitely helped our family to learn to problem solve, and our house to become a calmer, more peaceful place. I totally recommend the Total Transformation Program to anyone that has difficult children they are trying to bring up properly.

Note: Information for this article was obtained mainly from the Total Transformation website and personal knowledge of the life and methods of James Lehman.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.