Our primary job as a positive parent is to make sure our kids are able to function successfully on their own when they leave the house. Every decision we make should be made with that goal in mind. This knowledge and single-minded focus should help us to navigate the waters of parenting much easier, because we have a definite destination in mind.

So how do we accomplish this daunting task? By teaching our kids two skills – problem-solving and accountability. If you’ve got a disrespectful, belligerent child, you’ve probably got a child with a problem he doesn’t know how to solve. As a positive parent, we need to step them through the process of solving that problem, and being accountable for their actions.

1. Problem solving journey. The best way to approach this important life skill is to start at the earliest age possible. If they make the mess, they clean it up. Teach them one block at a time. Then face the next problem with that same mindset, one step at a time. This in itself is teaching them problem solving at the core level, from stepping back to form a plan of action through to completion. Let them try, and fail if necessary. Do not rescue!
2. Coach him forward. If you watch the last 2 minutes of a close NFL game you’ll notice the coach is usually all business and no emotion. This should be our goal as parents. We’re the trainers for the skills our children need to become successful, responsible adults. We need to be patient and calm as they go through the learning process.
3. You are their 1st role model. Sorry it is true. They are constantly watching your every move, good or bad. And learning from it. Approaching problems with a calm examining demeanor will lead them to do so. Don’t fret if you get frazzled over the banged fender every now and again, telling your child you handled that poorly and how you would do it differently next time, teaches them how to positively handle mistakes. Also start handing over life situations. Let them pay for their Happy Meal. This will help them become comfortable with handling their own life.
4. Be wise on when and what you teach them. Use your parent’s guage to determine what level of maturity they are at to determine what they can be successful at within a reasonable amount of time. Our goal is to teach them not defeat them. Let the bedspread be crooked and the crumbs be swept from the counter to the floor. Save perfecting these skills for the appropriate times down the road.
5. Encourage exploration and experimentation. As they get to be a teen, you need to let them try out their own ideas for problem-solving and encourage and praise their resourcefulness.
6. Keep setbacks and failures in perspective. This is life in a nutshell. Both experiences provide fertile ground for ongoing training. Look at these as opportunities that they are and you win. Calm and steady as you go and they win too.

While parenting, especially positive parenting, is a formidable task, do not lose heart. Especially with your teens. These previously mentioned skills will hopefully help you. These skills and many more are discussed in detail in The Total Transformation by James Lehman.