Being a parent of 5 adopted children, I’m constantly struggling with child behavior problems, and how to deal with them. It just goes with the territory. But last week, it came to a head, and I came to a few realizations that I don’t think I had before. Here’s what happened:
My oldest son has a new “friend” that’s a girl (we don’t want them to be boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but it looks like they’re moving down that road pretty fast. More on our feelings about that in another post). Anyway, Sarah came over after school to watch a movie with Bobby. That’s it – pretty benign, right? Well, not as far as my kid’s are concerned!
You’d think the sky was falling, or we were going to Disneyland or something. They all just became out-of-control kids: loud, no manners, saying inappropriate things, and on and on. This type of child behavior problems went on all night – long after Sarah had gone home for the evening. It was crazy! I was totally embarrassed, enough so that I canceled a fun family weekend we had planned.
What I came to realize is that my kids need to have a pretty structured schedule. They feel very out-of-control when anything is out of the ordinary at all. I believe this goes back to the very first months of their lives, when they weren’t cared for in a healthy way. So we are trying to keep it orderly and under control – therefore avoiding this type of children behavior issues.
I just happened to be browsing the Empowering Parents website, and I found an article by James Lehman called Are You Embarrassed By Your Child’s Behavior? 5 Ways To Cope that helped me out concerning my embarrassment. It gave me a few tips, and I’ll share a little bit from the article.
- Don’t guess what people around you are thinking. Unless they say flat out “You’re a horrible parent”, you don’t really know what they’re thinking. They could be thinking “I remember when my kid did that”, or “I’m glad I’m not going through that phase with my son anymore”. Don’t be a mind reader.
- Focus on the behavior at hand: It’s not about you, it’s about the child. When your child misbehaves in public, they need something from you – focus on their needs, not your feelings.
- Use “avoid” and “escape” as short-term strategies. If you know the type of situations that cause your kids behavior problems, try to avoid those situations. Also, give you and your child an “escape” plan – a way to get out of the situation if things start to break down.
These are just a few strategies I learned from this article. To read the whole article, click here.
For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Sometimes teenage girls are so out-of-control that parents feel there is no solution other than to send them to a military school for girls, boot camp, or wilderness program. Usually, this isn’t something they want to do – it’s because they’ve tried everything else and they don’t see any other alternative. Residential treatment programs like military schools for girls, reform schools, and boot/wilderness camps can provide short term help. They can teach your teenage girl how to behave in a restrictive, artificial environment, but they rarely bring about permanent behavior changes once she return’s home and is faced with the challenges of the real world.
The problem is that many teenage girls simply don’t know how to problem solve, and that’s why they act out and are disobedient and abusive. It’s how they control their life. They just use it to get what they want, instead of working through the problem.
If you’ve been considering a military school for your teenage girl, please do yourself (and your daughter) a favor and take a look at the Total Transformation Program by James Lehman. This program is designed to teach parents how to help their kids learn to problem solve, thereby eliminating the abusive behavior that comes from poor problem-solving skills. Mr. Lehman give you many tips and techniques to help your daughter to be successful in life.
One of our favorite techniques is to disconnect. What this means is stop communication with the child if they’re being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you’ll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we’ve started using and I can’t believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.
This is just one of the tools we’ve learned that has worked for us. Mr. Lehman has hundreds more – and they all make sense and are easy to implement. Maybe a military school for girls is not the right answer. Take a look at The Total Transformation today. You’ve got nothing to lose, because now there is a limited time offer to get it for free! All you have to do is just order it and complete and return the enclosed Feedback Survey. Do it today before it’s too late!
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
Filed under Accountability, Parenting, Positive Parenting Skills, Problem Solving 
Positive parenting skills – not something you’re just born with! They need to be learned and developed over time. Unfortunately, as far as kids are concerned, the landscape is constantly changing. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, they morph into some other hideous creature that you don’t recognize and you’ve got to learn how to subdue! (Just kidding about the hideous creature – who would ever say that about their kid?)
You can get positive parenting skills in many places: Books, friends, classes, online courses, and many more places. In fact, just surfing the web can give you lots of ideas. Some of our favorite parenting books are Parenting Teens with Love and Logic
A good website with lots of great parenting articles is minti.com. This one is full of articles written by experts – parents themselves! Anyone can contribute. Here’s an article called Rules, Boundaries, and Older Children from another great website with tons of good parenting advice.
The best product we’ve found so far that gives us positive parenting skills that are effective, long lasting and cover a huge range of parenting issues is The Total Transformation by James Lehman, MSW. The strategies he uses are simple to learn. They also deal with the heart behind the behavior which is where the long lasting piece comes in.
One of the tips that seems universal and had an immediate effect in our family was the Disconnect technique. The premise of this is to stop communication with your child if they become abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you’ll be amazed how fast things change. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior. It is like a pressure release valve for the parent too. Screaming matches be gone!
This tool is just one of many that he outlines in this CD and DVD set. If you have a household that could use some peace and sanity, you need to read more here. Feel free to browse around this website and take away anything you need. We parents need to stick together!
You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission. The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.
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